Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and she was petting her beer can
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
