I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize