i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
