he shaved USA in his pubs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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