I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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