Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize