Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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