Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
