I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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