Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
