dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize