Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
