I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
