Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
