Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
