Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
