fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
