The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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