Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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