I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
