Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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