Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
