sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
