The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
