I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize