I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize