OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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