Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it's like heaven, but drunker
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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