what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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