The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
