He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
