I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
