make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
