I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
