Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
