just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
