I wish I could punch you in the face.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
