I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
