Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
