since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
