If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All the doctor said was why
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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