it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
