Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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