my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
