Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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