There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
