My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
