Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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