So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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