meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize