She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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