What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
