he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
