Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
