I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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