i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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