Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
