I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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