my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
