I look better un-naked...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize