Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
