I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
whose parrot is this?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
