he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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