How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
