I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
