I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
