i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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