I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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