oh god the rape fog is back!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
